The Day a Squirrel Almost Killed Me

Mar. 25

MartinRaymondo

My dad called me one evening asking for my help on the weekend.

I arrive at the house, and he notices some animals have built a nest under the roof on the side of the house.

He climbs up on his ladder and sees all sorts of garbage they must have gathered over the weeks to get prepared to build a family.

He planned to empty it and board it up, yet he needed me there to protect him from the squirrel hanging around and chirping at him.

I’m scared of heights, so I finally get onto the roof while waiting for him to get the wood and tools he needs.

The squirrel is active on the tree side, the part of the roof we will work on.

He appears aggressive, so I yell to let my dad know this as my sister watches.

My sister hands my dad a rake and gives it to me.

I’m unsure what a rake will do if a killer squirrel confronts me.

Probably piss it off more than we already have, and I can see myself dying in the hospital from rabies.

My dad climbs up the ladder, and the squirrel goes nuts.

He wants me to ensure the squirrel doesn’t come near him, so that’s the primary reason I hang around on the roof by the tree.

I asked my dad and sister what I should do if that little crazy animal jumped on the roof, and they both assured me that would not happen.

They also reminded me that I have a rake, one of those giant plastic fan rakes, so good luck saving myself with that.

Even though the squirrel is yapping away and highly agitated, everything is going fine.

They laugh as I’m stuck on this roof with no real plan if something progresses.

As my dad cleans the garbage and leaves, he closes the open section.

As he starts to bang, the killer squirrel jumps on the roof and runs towards me.

I panicked and swung this gigantic rake, missed the squirrel, scared him half to death, and almost fell off the roof.

That was it for me. I climbed down that ladder as fast as possible and wished them luck.

My dad closed the hole, and we all got lucky to get out of there with our lives.

Whoever said squirrels are cute has never pissed one off.

Martin Paquet